It's Been A Bad Day (but I'll take a picture)

Sometimes 140 characters just isn't enough to capture a day's experience fully. It started with a 2 minute stop at UCL (University College London) that was far longer than expected.

I'm due to begin studying Psychology at UCL this September but before my place is confirmed I have to prove that I have met the conditions of my offer. I dutifully scanned my relevant certificates and emailed them to the admissions department. They informed me that emailed copies were (understandably) not sufficient and they required either the originals or copies verified by my college. Loathe to entrust valuable documents to the vagaries of the Royal Mail I began attempting to in touch with my college. It seems they had shut up shop for the summer, yet failed to provide any details as to if/when they will be reopening.

This is what lead to today's visit to my prospective place of study, in order to deliver my certificates by hand. What I had envisioned being a quick stop at the main entrance to hand over my documents, turned into over an hour of being sent from one building to the next in a fruitless search for a faculty office which no one appears to have ever encountered before. Finally I entrusted my package to the University's internal mail and left with my fingers crossed.

This of course lead to me arriving 5 minutes late for work. Normally this would have passed without note but not today. As I arrived at the cinema's entrance I was just in time to see the entrance shutters finish their descent and shut me out.

The only times these shutters close are i) the last customer has left at the end of the night and it's time to go home, or ii) the building is being evacuated.

After making my way down to the meeting point to join my colleagues I learnt that an electrical fault had lead to all of us being stood outside in the cold. For 40 minutes.

When we finally made it back inside I quickly changed into my uniform in time to come down and help deal with the several hundred customers stood waiting downstairs.

Most people were understanding and quick to deal with but there are always those few difficult ones. The ones who seem to view the events as some kind of deliberate attempt on my part to spoil not only their evening, but possibly their very life. With these you just set your apology levels to stun and raise your shield's against their barrage with a big fake smile.

So my entire evening was dealing with the aftermath of an evacuation (which happened before I even started) and doing my best to just keep on smiling at the people I felt like screaming at. My favourite complaint of the night? "The seats are at the wrong pitch" What?

On the plus side, I did meet Gary Newman/Numan(?). Which was nice.

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Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

Do you remember the sitcom Coupling? It ran from 2000 to 2004 and spanned four series and introduced us to Jack Davenport (of MasterCard advertising voice-over fame). At the time it was the cult comedy of choice for all the coolest cats.

Written by Steven Moffat, who based it on personal experience and even gave his name to the male lead, it was often described as 'the British Friends'. It was far from a Anglicized version of the US behemoth of comedy, with far more in common with the comedic style of Seinfeld and a very British approach in its Frank discussions of sex.

Bearing all this in mind, it is somewhat surprising that I had all but forgotten the show until a friend reminded me of it today. Luckily the modern age we live in means I quickly rectified this with clips from YouTube. If you have fond memories of the show I suggest you do the same.

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YEEAAAAHHHHHH!

I used to love CSI: Miami - in fact I was a huge fan of all three fantastic CSI flavours until The Wire came along and ruined all other cop shows for me - especially the ridiculously corny opening sequences featuring David Caruso as Horatio Caine.

Yes, he is putting a 2nd set of sunglasses on over the 1st set

As shown in the technical diagram above, there would be a feeder line (usually from another character), a setup line, then a terrible pun delivered as Horatio dons his sunglasses, before the screeching vocal of the theme tune (Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who) kicks in.

It is terrible but in a brilliant way, as the example below demonstrates:


Even Jim Carrey loves it:

Great Opening Lines

"People often ask me how I know Tyler Durden"
- Fight Club

"Are you watching closely?"
- The Prestige

"I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle."
- The Terminator

"I was 12 going on 13 the first time I saw a dead human being."
- Stand By Me

"I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be 'Sir!' Do you maggots understand this?"
- Full Metal Jacket

"My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood. This is my street. This is my life. I'm 42 years old. In less than a year, I'll be dead. Of course, I don't know that yet. And in a way, I'm dead already. Look at me: jerking off in the shower. This will be the high point of my day. It's all downhill from here."
- American Beauty (Not quite the first line but close enough)

‎"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"
- High Fidelity


"As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. To me, being a gangster was better than being President of the United States."
- Goodfellas

"Say, any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies perse, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'?"
- O Brother Where Art Thou?

"We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold."
- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

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And the greatest of them all?

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family, Choose a f--king big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suit on hire purchased in a range of f--king fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the f--k you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sittin' on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing f--king junk food into your mouth. Choose rottin' away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarassment to the selfish, f--ked-up brats that you've spawned to replace yourself. Choose a future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?"
- Trainspotting

Mel is alot Madder than Max ever was

I've been on a Mel Gibson kick tonight. First there was Edge of Darkness in which Ray Winstone stole the show, followed by the first of the Mad Max films.

I wasn't overly impressed with Edge of Darkness, Mel's dodgy Massachusetts accent and a poorly explained plot left me bored and frustrated. Mad Max on the other hand was a delightful surprise.

I must have watched it at some point in my teens, but I find it hard to imagine that I would only remember the sequels if I had. It's clearly B-movie material from start to finish yet it manages to stand out from that mediocre crowd.

The angel faced Mel Gibson shines in the role and shows no sign of his current instability (he gets through the entire film without out any racist tirades) providing us with a cinematic record of Mel being Mad... but not as mad as he is now.

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The Case of The Missing Hotdog

One of the staff members at the cinema I work at may lose their job because of a missing mouthful of hotdog and I am partly responsible.

It won't be me making the decision as to whether they remain with us, and I didn't have anything to do with the morsel of meat disappearing. I was merely the supervisor on the shift and noticed that a previously whole hotdog was no longer so.

I was therefore duty bound to determine the whereabouts of the missing sausage, questioning staff and diligently sifting through an entire bin in a fruitless search. If it is determined that the staff member ate a bite of the hotdog (which the evidence certainly suggests is the case) they may lose their job.

It seems ridiculous that such a trivial incident could leave someone unemployed. I have no qualms over the termination (of employment) for those found stealing money, repeatedly turning up late or generally under-performing, but firing someone for eating part of an item that is only worth pennies to the company seems such a waste.

This isn't the first time a member of staff has thrown away their job for a mouthful of food and I doubt it will be the last, I just hope that next time they do it on someone else's shift and save me the moral headache.

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Deer Rape, Office Olympics and Flying Children

At least I have episodes of =3 to cheer me up

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Motivation (or lack thereof)

It is times such as this that I miss my religious beliefs. Finding myself down in the dumps I could turn to my imaginary friend in the sky for spiritual assistance. Since the scales have fallen from my eyes and I've seen the light of Atheism this false comfort has been lost to me.

Sometimes ignorance does have its advantages...

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